Nearing the end of my first college semester I am feeling reluctant to accept.

Throughout this semester several factors have made this time like no other. First of this is my first year in college. The second, more impacting factor, is it being in the midst of a pandemic.

College is different. You have to me more self-reliant in areas such as time management and studying. It did not take me too long to adjust to my schedule however managing the timeline of assignments took me a while. They were all given on time however, too close to call for me personally. I am not too bad with studying however, missing just a fraction of a lecture can leave you completely lost. Sometimes I have to look things over in my personal time to have it make sense.

Online schooling because of quarantine has been an experience of highs and lows. I was initially happy because who would want to go in-person to a 6:00 pm class? Then I realized how disconnected I felt. Due to my reluctance to show my face sometimes I just take classes in bed which causes me to feel less in the moment. I cannot wait to sit back in a class room. I don’t have personal conversations with classmates so despite learning amongst one another for the entire semester I wouldn’t recognized most of them. It feels like a disservice to not get to know these people. In this class especially I appreciated a lot of opinions shared and I would have liked getting to know them more. This also goes to my amazing Professors! They all seem so nice and I would have liked to have more one on one conversations.

Overall I feel I have experienced growth. Growth and acceptance. I have grown from the amazing conversations that I did have, from all of the works I have read and from acknowledging my mistakes. I have come to accept that things are different and it is okay. I accept me for who I am despite the challenges that I may face.

I appreciate this course. It reunited me with my love for literature. This course made me embrace my creative side again. In this course I learned about understanding others. Because of this course I made a new friend.

I think I had a pretty good semester.

I have so much to be grateful for!

I am grateful for so many things in life and I cannot help but acknowledge these blessings. First and foremost I am grateful for everything. I know it sound weird to start with everything however, I think it should be acknowledged that I mean everything. I am grateful for both the good and the bad.

Everyone has ups and downs, especially this year, and I am thankful for this process. Though I have faced losses – a prom, graduation, time with family and friends – going through the loss of that made me appreciate those things even more. On thanksgiving I was blessed enough to sit beside my family at my grandmothers house and it was such a joyous occasion.

My family is full of sweethearts!! My family loves big. Getting to spend the holidays with them showed me this deeply. Every single one has such a kind and giving nature. My grandmother worked so hard to host thanksgiving as she does every year and it was so brave of her to host this year. She welcomed her family with open arms and that shows just a fraction of the love in her heart. My other grandmother, grandmas deserve so much love, is also so kind and affectionate. I am seeking of my mother’s mother. Unfortunately I could only call her as I was away from home however we made the most of it!! She made me so happy bye just saying how grateful it was I called. Spreading such love and cheer is exactly what I want to do forever! It makes me so warm and happy.

My aunt while doing may hair, as I said they are giving people, said I have so much love and that she loves it. This is what I’m talking about people! This is exactly why I love love. It’s all thanks to my amazing family. I am grateful that I even know what real love feels like. I was glad I could appreciate this thanksgiving like no other because there was a chance we wouldn’t have it.

Friends are amazing! My friends are so amazing. I am so thankful and proud of myself for the relationships that I have chosen in life. My friends are such joyous people. We may not be happy all the time however we try to make each other happy all the time! Those are the kind of relationships I want. Relationships that build on happiness and support for one another. These are the kind of relationships I have and I am immensely happy for them.

I have also made a very close friendship in this class and I am so excited to see it bloom!

I also want to say, to whoever may be reading, that everything will be okay. You may not be experiencing the most joyous of holiday seasons however, everything will be okay. You are in control of what you can control. If you could even make a call or a text to a friend or a loved one than do so. Reach out to someone that you know will be glad to hear from you or that you know you can make smile, maybe even try to get a laugh. Giving is what the holidays is about and if you give, I am sure you will receive.

Everything is going to be okay!

Funny story; After my aunt did my hair I loved the look so much that I stood in from my grandma’s living room mirror complimenting myself. The funny part is that my sister said, “You complimented yourself a lot!” I felt so much judgment but no shame!! I was glad she noticed that I tend to compliment myself. Sometimes we just need to look in a mirror and tell ourselves that we’re pretty awesome! I even told her to try it. She looked in the mirror and before I knew it she was starting to list compliments to herself!! I loved it because it feels so good to see a loved one, especially one who is usually shy, break out and openly show love to themself. It was so beautiful!

I really like this class.

I have learned so much about mental health.

There are many different aspects of mental health. Identifying a mental disorder has so many layers to it. The environment is definitely one of the main aspects that I look to since it is so influential. I feel that everyone’s environment is a main factor in their mental health. This both in positive and negative ways. Sometimes it can be the relationships that surround you or the lack of good treatment available.

It is so important for rental health to receive more awareness. Often it is misinterpreted in media, especially in the form of film, due to the wrong intention behind it. Mental disorders are not for entertainment. I learned these things in this class. It made me passionate that these problems surrounding mental illness get addressed.

The projects are fun.

I really enjoyed the composition in two genres project. I chose to write from the perspectives of Merricat Blackwood and Constance Blackwood on the night their family was murdered. I like being creative so I actually had a lot of fun doing this project. I was able to interpret things however I kept myself from getting too out of hand! Perspective is really important because that is how people see the world, it explains their reasoning. I wanted to play with perspective while also keeping their original character true. I just filled in gaps with my own personal touch. I enjoyed it a lot!

In the double digits, that’s fun.

I wanted this journal post to be about my appreciation for the resources available to me thanks to the wonderful City College.

I applied to this school with the hopes of pursuing a career in medicine through a business degree. A week before classes started I switched majors and my advisor at the Science Division Ms. Harper as well as Ms. Paula Oyebisi of the Collin Powell School worked with me so generously and answered all my questions. The transition went so smoothly and I am grateful.

I was just in time to sit through the new student seminar by the Collin Powell School and it was so informative and the speakers were so positive. To summarize the advice given, “make the most of your opportunities” was the main trend. I really took this with me.

I check my city college email on a daily basis looking for opportunities that are available. There are paid internships, informational seminars from companies that partner with the school, as well as campus wide activities to take part in.

City College also offered me, the Science Department, a class over the summer to give me an advanced placement in math. This is also something I am very grateful for since I feel more comfortable in my current math class.

The classes that I am in are all great. The articles I read, the material I learn, the people that I engage with are all amazing.

I really am glad that I have chosen City College. They build such a friendly community and have such amazing opportunities available.

This journal post shall be dedicated to new things. I have decided to try new things and have thus far in the forms of art and communication.

The first semester of my first year in college is almost over. The closing of this timeline as well as a remarkable democratic victory has inspired me to try new things to welcome a new era. I have opened a social media account, if you knew me you would know that I was not too open to social media however, new times are here and I am here for it. I want to open myself up to new possibilities and friends.

As said, I also am trying out art. I was very into the creative arts when younger, and still am today. You name it – art, theater, writing- I am fascinated by it all. As I began college however, I realized that I delved away from art since it wasn’t big into my high school curriculum so, I purchased a journal and follow flower doodle tutorials on YouTube. It is a small start however, flowers are actually pretty tricky.

Wish me luck on my journey!

This journal post will be dedicated to my values.

I must say that my way of thinking is traditional. My goals mainly lie within being there for my loved ones. The relationships I make are very important to me since each holds value. Family, friends and all other relationships to me are to be cherished.

The relationships you make, the people who you choose to be with, they define you in a way. Not all relationships may be a choice however, you have a choice in that relationship. This includes group projects in classes or even family members you only see on holidays, they all have the chance to become something great.

When it comes to most of the choices I make, this circles back to me being traditional, the mindset behind it is to not cause any trouble for my family. I initially enrolled into this college nursing a biology degree to become a doctor, now I am on the route of business which I feel will also serve my family beneficially. However, I do keep my own happiness in mind, which is why there was the drastic switch from biology to business, I just do so while thinking of how it will affect others and myself long term.

I try not to act on impulse or on trend as most other teenagers do because I know the harm behind doing so, which I learned from the relationships I built within my family. My relationships built my character and I do not regret it. This is another reason for me to be careful with the relationships I have and to cherish them.

This post was to reinstate my values to myself – to just have them written down – a reminder of who I am and where my values lie. I am glad they are here and I hope to never forget them.

Happy reading,

Ashanti

This journal entry shall be dedicated to college – an update on how I am doing as a college freshman entering the second half of my first term.

I have to say college definitely polars to my previous school experiences. I have to say I see a difference in not just the material but, my work ethic. I have addressed that my work ethic has hindered upon beginning as well as my solution to it. However, I am not satisfied with my work thus far.

I have adapted to results below my usual standard. I do want to be easier on myself however, I still want to achieve greatness.

During an advising session I was immediately addressed on not showing myself (on camera) and I must say, if I am going to achieve the greatness that I am striving for, I must make my presence known. In times like this I found myself trapped by not treading outside my comfort zone.

Thus, with this journal post I promise myself to try new things.

I admittedly do not even have social media and have not really connected with my classmates as much as I would have liked. Networking is definitely a must – especially if I plan to graduate with a business degree.

That is all for this post,

Ashanti

P.S. wish me luck!

I have to say I really am glad I have made the decision to enroll in Individual and Society as a course for my first semester. I have always been curious in human behavior and how better to explain it then through the study of the human mind. I must say that despite not reaching the peak of a professional diagnosis many do display symptoms of common mental disorders such as anxiety and depression.

Taking this course I have realized that I cannot only relate and apply what I have learned to myself but, to those I care about around me. A friend of mine since elementary school has voiced feelings of anxiety and depression in a way that I did not know how to deal with before. Despite her saying to her immediate friend group, I do not feel that she would voice these inner thoughts to an adult nor a professional. I am saddened to say that I did not react to these signs as well as I should have, I should not have seen her not taking higher regards to her emotions as I sign that I should to the same.

I will take what I have learned from this course to be a better friend. She is an amazing person and deserves to have a well-educated listening ear. I will take her words more seriously.

The seasons are changing. The change in colors and temperature have led me reflect on the time that has passed and me feelings towards it.

At the beginning of 2020 I was a senior in high school and mainly focused on my college application results. Being a high school senior was challenge in itself as I wanted to make my last year memorable. Quarantine changed things drastically. I left school on a Friday and saw in the news that schools would be closed that same weekend. There was no warning, as the severity of the virus was not too exposed in the media until then. There was no timeline in mind when the quarantine started however, I did not expect it to last this long.

I transitioned from being in school to remote learning. That was a process that I adapted to quickly as my teachers style of teaching did not change. When online learning with college however, I felt myself begin to lack in areas that I didn’t used to.

There were things that I overlooked until recently such as missing my prom and a graduation ceremony since I didn’t really stop doing things over quarantine. When there were times I spent not related to keeping in contact with friends and family, or school, I through myself into streaming services.

I am still adjusting to life as it is now, as well with being a young adult. Hopefully as time goes things will a bit easier.